“Self discovery: What I thought and what it came out to be?”

                                  “Walking through the woods

                                                 I’m stuck

                                      I’m undecided where to go.

                                      It is very dense & serene here,

                                      But a sense of tornado is revolving inside me.

                                       I have to choose my way out

                                      A path: to be cleared only by myself

                                      No one will help me here.

                                      I’m alone and will have to do all by myself

                                      A path that will make my future secure…

                                      …………..And I’m out for that search”!!!

**Dedicated to people who is in the struggling situation like me: we will sure have “our time”: just relax {apart from struggling} & enjoy this status of “Bekar India” a.k.a “Educated Unemployment”. (Wink Wink)**

The phase I’m going through is the real moment of my self-discovery and as I’m struggling with my life, I have come to realize practically that in a certain extent examination marks doesn’t count: all it count is how you present yourself for a particular job (I knew about it theoretically before & I used to say it to my friends thou but have practically sense it now.)

I knew people /friends of mine in school, college, university etc, who used to mug up study materials and then would pass out exams with good marks.  I  always thought: after all it’s important to be a good person .In university level I saw people getting first class specially in my subject of literature, some by hard work and some by licking their professors’ ass. I also came across some people who were hard working but didn’t deserve what they got. By the way I don’t know in which category I fell???? but,definitely not the ass licking one.

Sometimes I thought that what I wrote in the answer scripts was something “not usual”, although not so but I really wanted to interpret things in a different way even though I was not recognized for that (as they talk of “change” but was conservative by heart). I studied literature because I wanted to and loved because it was like an open sky: open for any kind of interpretation (although logical). What we learn & study should be applicable in our practical life and that is when it counts. I didn’t care about my marks because I didn’t want to become a lecturer. I was very casual then but I know now marks really count. I was not serious with my life until one person poked me that I really need a job otherwise what is the use of this qualification. 

 “That is true, but I really enjoyed doing my masters”; I said

Now after 1 year of my post grads I’m sitting idle, writing articles for reader’s visual enjoyment. One time I felt, just one time because I didn’t want to think about it again: that am I really worth of the marks that I got? Or maybe did I deserve more? Maybe I didn’t work hard to reach that level or was I underestimated? At that point of time I really doubted my confidence level, but only for that point. I didn’t let it overwhelmed me.

I experimented with different kind of interviews starting from lecturer’s job to sales & marketing but experiencing disappointment. Well I don’t call it disappointment but may be a kind opportunity for a better option. So I have switched my search for a few weeks to reading my old pending novels and have been posting my new write-ups. These periods is the golden period of our life, as one of my friend say: “a real moment of self-discovery”, because we are practically experimenting our skills with different kinds of avenues, we are discovering ourselves which was unknown to us …  Rather to be frustrated about or feeling depressed about, this “status” is to be enjoyed. Because after we get settled, we will get stuck in 9 to 5 job, busy schedule (although with lots of money in the bank), marriage, responsibility then blab bla bla.

Everything has its own time & I still believe Old Tirumala’s saying

                                           “Everything happens for your own good” (wink wink)

                                                                                 Moramee Das