Tuesday, September 13, 2011

“Self discovery: What I thought and what it came out to be?”



                                  “Walking through the woods
                                                 I’m stuck
                                      I’m undecided where to go.
                                      It is very dense & serene here,
                                      But a sense of tornado is revolving inside me.
                                       I have to choose my way out
                                      A path: to be cleared only by myself
                                      No one will help me here.
                                      I’m alone and will have to do all by myself
                                      A path that will make my future secure…


                                      …………..And I’m out for that search”!!!



**Dedicated to people who is in the struggling situation like me: we will sure have “our time”: just relax {apart from struggling} & enjoy this status of “Bekar India” a.k.a “Educated Unemployment”. (Wink Wink)**

The phase I’m going through is the real moment of my self-discovery and as I’m struggling with my life, I have come to realize practically that in a certain extent examination marks doesn’t count: all it count is how you present yourself for a particular job (I knew about it theoretically before & I used to say it to my friends thou but have practically sense it now.)

I knew people /friends of mine in school, college, university etc, who used to mug up study materials and then would pass out exams with good marks.  I  always thought: after all it’s important to be a good person .In university level I saw people getting first class specially in my subject of literature, some by hard work and some by licking their professors’ ass. I also came across some people who were hard working but didn’t deserve what they got. By the way I don’t know in which category I fell???? but,definitely not the ass licking one.

Sometimes I thought that what I wrote in the answer scripts was something “not usual”, although not so but I really wanted to interpret things in a different way even though I was not recognized for that (as they talk of “change” but was conservative by heart). I studied literature because I wanted to and loved because it was like an open sky: open for any kind of interpretation (although logical). What we learn & study should be applicable in our practical life and that is when it counts. I didn’t care about my marks because I didn’t want to become a lecturer. I was very casual then but I know now marks really count. I was not serious with my life until one person poked me that I really need a job otherwise what is the use of this qualification. 
 “That is true, but I really enjoyed doing my masters”; I said

Now after 1 year of my post grads I’m sitting idle, writing articles for reader’s visual enjoyment. One time I felt, just one time because I didn’t want to think about it again: that am I really worth of the marks that I got? Or maybe did I deserve more? Maybe I didn’t work hard to reach that level or was I underestimated? At that point of time I really doubted my confidence level, but only for that point. I didn’t let it overwhelmed me.

I experimented with different kind of interviews starting from lecturer’s job to sales & marketing but experiencing disappointment. Well I don’t call it disappointment but may be a kind opportunity for a better option. So I have switched my search for a few weeks to reading my old pending novels and have been posting my new write-ups. These periods is the golden period of our life, as one of my friend say: “a real moment of self-discovery”, because we are practically experimenting our skills with different kinds of avenues, we are discovering ourselves which was unknown to us …  Rather to be frustrated about or feeling depressed about, this “status” is to be enjoyed. Because after we get settled, we will get stuck in 9 to 5 job, busy schedule (although with lots of money in the bank), marriage, responsibility then blab bla bla.

Everything has its own time & I still believe Old Tirumala’s saying
                                           “Everything happens for your own good” (wink wink)


                                                                                 Moramee Das
         


Sunday, September 11, 2011

The “Red Carpet” Welcome: By Chance





By: Moramee Das
10th September 2011


As usual today also I was late for myuniversity classes, so I asked my father to drop me till the nearest bus stand.Looking at my hurriness, he took me till Fancy Bazaar and the immediate bus hegot (without asking its destination) stopped it and made me climb in it. Iclimb without any hesitation and I didn’t even care to ask where it was going.Only on the next stoppage I got to know as the handy man was shouting.
“Hajo”!
“Hajo”!
I was like “what”!
But calmed myselfand searched for my purse: had 40 bucks with me: that’s enough I thoughtbecause my most prized possession was with me “my camera”.
The next 45minutestill Jalukbari I was fully engrossed in analyzing the outcome of my not goingto class and for a change, going for an adventure. Although there was not somuch that I will miss but still I would loose much if I denied what my heartdesired. Even I satisfied myself by telling that “my dad himself had put me inthis bus” and therefore I was 10% to be blamed out of 100.

So finally I tookthe decision, the bus took the turn from the Jalukbari stoppage to theSaraighat Bridge route and now I was off to a place that I would exploremyself. A really unexpected journey to Hajo “all by myself”. I kept on thinkinghow people’s lives are unpredictable and how my day will unfold itself to mewhich I had created myself.
I asked the conductor:
“How much till Hajo?”
“Rs.10/-“; he said

The journey waslovely, the weather was pleasant, I found a sort of satisfaction even thoughthe handyman was occasionally shouting his due for the passengers to come, alongwith a variety of bumps that I experienced throughout the way.

I crossed beautifulsights, the long green fields, sometimes accompanied by huge surfaces of wateror else cows grazing in the open fields underneath the cloudy sky. The sun wastoday hiding among those clouds very rarely giving its glimpses to me.

After half anhour we came across a small road bridge and through the window I saw twoadjoining hills and a stream flowing through. A very similar sight which we useto draw when we were kids during our drawing classes:”scenery”. I thought to askthe driver to stop but I hesitated. I don’t know why!!

As I got knowthat Hajo was near I kept note of every landmark I crossed. Finally the busstopped, I climbed down, stretching myself it was a 1 hour journey. I noticedtwo ladies standing in front of a house, I asked:
“Can I use your bathroom?”
And thankfully theydidn’t deny me. After refreshing myself I thanked them and went out for an adventure.This time I made sure that I remember the roads. As I started to walk around Ifelt disappointed because it resembled much like Guwahati .I didn’t found whatI looked for ……although I was blank of what I expected out of my journey.

I took threeto four turn of the roads, until I founded a lane of houses or hut because theywere not concrete, it was a village, I walk through it and noticed peoplestaring at me. They were curious about who I was and what I was doing there .I hadto answer many of such questions and finally I replied:
“I write for magazines and I’m a photographer”
They were eager to help me out but I was searching something else.Then I notice a girl, she was very lively and I approached her:
“What’s your name?”
“Poonam”; she said happily.
“Don’t you have school today”; I enquired
“No I didn’t went”; she replied
“Well then, I’m a photographer ...will you take me to place where Ican get nice pictures?”
“Yes! Yes!”
She was excited asI was, her friend Pratibha was also eager to accompany us. I took her, butbefore that I wanted to ask their parents permission. They enquired what I doand where I was from and I replied as I did to the previous people.
Now we were three,Poonam and Pratiba was my guide of the day. They took me to a nearby placewhich covers a huge amount of land. Nearby was a cremation place of the Hindusalong with a pond. In the pond women and ducks were bathing together, it wasreally nice to watch them. As I took out my camera to take there pictures theystarted to scold us but we giggled and took snaps .Suddenly we were welcomed bya huge shower which didn’t last long .The place was surrounded by huge oldtrees and I was able to identify many plants growing there. We strolled around,chatted, took snaps and got an invitation to visit in puja holidays because shewill be free then and we will have a good time.
She had a heart of gold”; I thought

We were about toleave this place and have to go toanother place and as we took the route adorned with the trees and kuccha housespeople ,we noticed people gathering the side of the road, whispering, smilingetc, I felt embrassing,a I walked the lane but it felt nice, it was likewalking in the red carpet in Cannes.
I heard them whispering:”they had come “;”they had come”
“What’s the matter Poonam?” I asked
“I don’t know, maybe you havecome from Guwahati, so people have come to see you”; Poonam told me
“Is that so”; I asked surprisingly.
We were confusedafter a time and felt awkward because on both sides of the road there werepeople packed, and now it was too much. As we reached Poonam’s home we heard a woman’sshouting, she was crying loudly .Poonam rushed, the tension was mounting in mymind had no idea what was going on. It was Poonam’s mother; as soon as Poonamreached there her mother caught her hair and started beating her. Poonam lookedhelplessly at me. I started to stop her mother; but………during that time somewomen took her mother inside .They told me that her mother thought that I hadkidnapped her daughter. Then I clarified them that I took their permissionbefore. I was shocked and was very hurt for Poonam as well as for me. I didn’tthought that my day would unfold before me like it had done. The lively childgot a beating for me in front of the people. I tried to make the peopleunderstand & after some time the situation came to a hold. The peopleinvited me to have a tea with them but I wished to meet Poonam and her mother.I denied the offer and decided to go back. In the bus stand there was no bus soI decided to get a tempo, but I met Poonam’s dad I thanked him and told aboutthe situation. He seemed very casual.

I took the tempo,the rain started to fall, I put on my I-pod and listening to the songs Ireflected on the situation that just happened. I didn’t knew who was to blamebut I really knew that people’s life are really unpredictable.



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Published in MELANGE ( Sunday ..16.10.2011.supplement of SENTINEL)





Saturday, September 3, 2011

"THE RING OF HAPPINESS"

“The ring of happiness”

During school days I use to pamper myself with little little gifts and one such gift was a ring…it was not just an ordinary ring …it was of those plastic: “purple plastic” in the shape of hand with a smiley on it. Although not very expensive but it was in fashion during those days. We all used to wear & flaunt it.

Now it was least important to me but still I preserved it.

Childhood were those carefree days but as we grow up tears become an inseparable part of our life, there are different reasons for it, but now we all know that without tears ,the presence of happiness is in-complete. Today after many years I wore that ring, although it was little rusted but still the purple plastic with the hand shape n the smiley ruled: faded.

I thought that I would wear it from today onwards to remind me everyday that: “I will always smile”. I wore it, and went to visit a public food hut .as I had to wash my hands I opened the ring and put it on the table thinking that I will take it after I finish.

When I returned home I realized that I have left the ring there. I was sad…very sad. I thought may be it indicated that smile has run away From me / my life or else I’m the one responsible for my sadness as well as happiness. The ring became the metaphor of my feelings. The feeling came now when I had lost it forever. Certain kind of thought revolved around my mind but at last I found the real one:

The purple hand signified that all the 5 fingers are not equal and so are people’s life,”kabhi khusi, kabhi gaam”.

And the ring that I lost maybe a beginning of a new era of happiness for the one who finds it….but basically being happy is in one’s own hand.

As I lost my ring I began to realize about its importance in my life and it had taught me a lesson. A lesson for life.

So folks : as an old saying goes-----”be happy with what you got, rather than beating the bush with what u don’t have” {I think it was like this}…

BE HAPPY J

Moramee Das

03RD SEPT 2011

Friday, September 2, 2011

“Essentially ……”



It feels as if I don’t belong here

Human relation means

nothing to me: although

they had played

a great part of

“What I am” today.



It feels a if I don’t belong here

Human feeling means

Nothing to me.

It’s all selfishness….

I see in them

And now

“Showing mine”.



It feels a if I don’t belong here

I feel complete with

Not another soul mate

But with the soul of Nature.



I feel complete when I’m

With “myself”

Only myself

My thoughts, my choices &

My dreams.



Am I self-obsessed?

Am I selfish?

Am I what I think?

Am I what I am?



No!



I’m a woman

I’m a mystery

An awareness

An essence…meaningful essence,



I’m to be “loved rather than understood”

Because I’m infinity…………

Moramee Das

Sept 2011


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